Purchasing this Faux Fur Coat is Going to Fill The Vacuous Hole Inside Me
Purchasing this Faux Fur Coat is Going to Fill The Vacuous Hole Inside Me
Did you get that J.Crew notification!?! 70% off! What about Ann Taylor? Banana Republic? H&M? Bloomingdales!?! They’re basically just asking you to pay for the cost of thread and they’ll ship you their clothes!
And did you fill up your cart with things that you will never wear? I did! Did you think, “Maybe this year at home I’m a Northeastern Blue Blood in sailing attire!” Did you fill up your cart with nautical tops and windbreakers? I did! But when would I ever encounter wind!?! All day I am hunkered down in my basement working remotely like Quasimodo, simultaneously freezing and sweating. But there were deals!
And yet I did not click BUY. I just kept adding discount clothing to carts across the e-commerce world.
In one virtual spree I imagined a vaccine might suddenly hurl me into work travel and then what was I going to wear!?! Like I would go from pajamas to sensible shift dress on an airplane overnight without any time in between. Like the government would show up at my door, ala the Biohazard-suited men in E.T., inject me on the spot, and in the morning I would board a plane.
Everyday, I’m lured away from work by ads for discount clothing. And every time I think, “Let’s just see what’s out there.” And when I see that the clothes are not my style and not available in my size, do I leave immediately? Hell no! I consider changing my style! To get the deals!
Perhaps I won’t be a Bush family member at Kennebunkport here in Virginia. Maybe instead the basement will be my runway and I’ll be Naomi Campbell circa 1997 in a tweed mini dress and pigtails. (what!?!) Cause that’s a look for a woman in her 40s who doesn’t go anywhere and spends her day in a place that might have mold.
Maybe I’ll buy this 80% off crop top from Uniqlo. It’s only offered in XS, but probably it’s supposed to fit that way?
Or this belted baggy camo dress to wear when I’m…mowing the lawn?
WHAT CAN I BUY THAT WILL FILL THIS HOLE INSIDE ME FROM NOT GOING ANYWHERE OR DOING ANYTHING!?!
What I settled on was a wine colored faux fur waist-length jacket. It will keep my upper torso warm when I’m socially distancing outdoors all winter. I will get under-the-breath reactions like, “Wow, she got dressed up to sit in my front yard in folding chairs.” I’m also betting I’ll hear, “I hope that was on sale.”
And it was. Because everything is going out of business. Or so they said in the email.